I'm sorry folks; I once again am lacking several pictures. I don't know why, but I feel weird taking pictures of my food either in public, or when my roommate is home since she doesn't know about this food blog. In fact, I haven't told anyone I know about it. I'm not sure why; I'm definitely not ashamed of it or anything. Maybe it has something to do with having had an ED and wondering if they'll think it's obsessive and/or just too time consuming or pointless. But I actually really enjoy keeping up with the blog. I love reading other peoples, and mine is a great way to recap my day, talk about other random stuff and just enjoy it. But anyway, all that is to say that I don't take pictures of my food in front of others. I even felt weird taking a picture in Whole Foods of my hot bar plate. Anyone else feel this way when you began your food blog?

So yesterday I made the most delicious dinner of:

-1 hot Italian sausage from the WF meat counter
-3/4 C (?) cooked brown rice (plain)
-large portion of sauteed purple onion, purple cabbage, and red Swiss chard

I also had a banana and later that night I had a large piece of banana bread and 2 Miller lites with friends.

Today's breakfast was grabbed quickly when I was rocking my *2* hours of sleep. I stumbled into the kitchen and turned the (old-school) coffee pot on. Then I ate a slice of WW toast with PB and a banana. I also grabbed a piece of banana bread (which is now gone--how sad!)

Got home from teaching (10-12:30) around 1:30 (it's a long drive) and was starving so I made a repeat of yesterday's dinner! It was delicious, nutritious, fairly cheap and quick, so I heated up an identical plate. And once again had a banana! Haha, I'm not very creative.

But then I went to the gym and biked the first "Challenging" Expresso course I've ever done! I was SOOO proud of myself because it was HARD!! Fun, but hard! It took me 31+ minutes and they say it should only take 25-30mins, but I'm still pleased because I MADE IT and I stayed ahead of the pacer who was at 150 watts! I know I'm not the most fit person on these boards, but like I said, for me that's still quite an accomplishment. I also biked for another 7 minutes, in which I explored the game setting of the Expresso bikes (FUN!) and did a tiny bit of leg conditioning. It felt good.

I had dinner in two parts tonight. When I got home from the gym, I contemplated waiting until after I taught, but I was really hungry so I grabbed 2 big pieces of plain tofu with a tiny bit of PB on them (does anyone else like this combo?) and made a Source of Life Energy Shake that I got as a free sample a while back. Now, I'm not going to lie here: it wasn't very good. And normally I don't eat things that I don't like. But I made an exception tonight because this thing was seriously packed full of nutrients. It was IMPRESSIVE!


I added a cup of FF milk and it came out to 192 cals. You can see all the nutrition facts here:

And most excitingly, I fried up a plantain today. I like them and used to eat them a lot more; they bring back memories of my childhood. So I stuck the slices in the pan:

And they turned into this:

Which THEN turned into this beauty:

This bowl was delicious! It has:

-pumpkin amaranth (prepared and stored yesterday)
-FF cottage cheese
-slices of my fried plantain
-PB
-cinnamon sprinkled on top

Yeah, it was one of the most amazing things I've eaten in a long time. :)

I've never linked back to a blogger's contest, but here is my first. The lovely Leah at Simply Fabulous Now is holding a contest for Trek bars:

And now I'm off to bed. I'm going to a pancake breakfast tomorrow which should be really fun, but I don't know if I'll be able to get any pictures.

GOOD NIGHT!

Two identical breakfasts

Yesterday and today were nearly identical because they were delicious! It consisted of:

2 eggwhite + 1/2 yolk omelet with sauteed kale (added spicy Italian seasonings yesterday, garlic and oregano today)
1/2 grapefruit (each day--it was sweet and didn't need any added sugar! Delish!)
A fairly large amount of homemade banana bread topped with Greek yogurt! This was the star on the show! :)


I added some low sugar ketchup too:



And today's:


Yesterday I added some PB because I didn't have much fat. (Finished the jar of "natural" stuff that they added palm oil and sugar too. I had accidentally bought it and I don't even prefer it!) Today I just had some chocolate chips

while baking one more pan of the banana bread (I had 3 more frozen bananas in my freezer to use up and I'm enjoying it! YUM! Today I also had a carrot before breakfast:


Confession: I used the Hungry Girl banana bread recipe, but I also added 1/4 oat bran, 1/4 ground flax (GOOD FAT!) and some chocolate chips + raisins.

I used these and they're very good!

Sorry, I only thought to take the picture when I had already eaten a lot of it.

	Go Bananas! Banana bread recipe:
	Ingredients: 1 1/4 cups whole-wheat flour 1/4 cup all-purpose flour (I used 1 C WW flour, plus the other two 1/4 cups of flax and oat bran) 3/4 cup Splenda No Calorie Sweetener (granulated) 1 1/2 cups mashed ripe bananas (about 3 bananas) 1/2 cup fat-free liquid egg substitute (like Egg Beaters) 1/2 cup no-sugar-added applesauce 2 tsp. baking powder 1 tsp. vanilla extract 1/2 tsp. cinnamon 1/2 tsp. salt Optional Toppings: no-calorie spray butter, Cool Whip Free Directions: Preheat oven to 350 degrees. In a large bowl, combine both types of flour, Splenda, baking powder, salt, and cinnamon (in other words, all dry ingredients). In a separate bowl, mix together the mashed bananas, egg substitute, applesauce, and vanilla extract (all the wet ingredients). Add this mixture to the bowl with the dry ingredients, and stir until just blended. Spoon batter into a large loaf pan (about 9" X 5") sprayed with nonstick spray. Bake for about 50 minutes, or until a knife inserted in the middle comes out clean. Allow to cool slightly, and then cut into 8 slices. If you like, spritz with some spray butter or spread on some Cool Whip Free. MAKES 8 SERVINGS
	Serving Size: 1 (thick!) slice Calories: 140 Fat: 0.5g Sodium: 267mg Carbs: 31g Fiber: 3.75g Sugars: 7g Protein: 5g POINTS® value 2*

And some random earlier pictures of snacks and stuff. I don't have pictures of my dinners because they were eaten in the car before or after teaching or rehearsal. My evenings thend to get insane. Yesterday I taught from 4-5, got gas, stopped at Whole Foods just for Greek yogurt and a Kombucha, and then went to a 3 hour orchestra rehearsal (plus an hour drive each way). I got home around 11:30pm. On Tuesday afternoon I ran a bunch of errands from 1-4pm then I taught violin from 4:30-8:00 (normally I go to 9:15 but 3 of my students couldn't make it). (plus a 45 minute drive each way). So I apologize for the lack of dinner pictures. But here are a few snacks:


Sweet potato fries!

Imperfection...

...is a beautiful thing.

I think about it quite a lot. As a former (still recovering) perfectionist, I constantly struggle with how I "should" have done something better/faster/more efficiently/more neatly/etc. Sometimes I feel like I eat too much (even though I maintain my weight and basically just eat when I'm hungry) and I still feel bad sometimes when I choose less healthy foods. I'm getting SO much better about shutting down the negative voice, and I am so grateful to be almost completely recovered, but I still do think about it a lot. I read other food blogs (which can be inspiring/interesting) but some people's seem so perfect like they ONLY eat healthy food and ONLY when hungry. I try to have the majority of my food be nutritious, but I firmly believe that SOMETIMES it IS highly appropriate to enjoy totally non-nutritious foods, especially when around friends and loved ones, and to just NOT worry about it! Your body is MEANT TO TAKE CARE OF YOU and it will and that is a beautiful thing. Like I said, imperfection is beautiful! I consumed way too much chocolate/chips/beer on Saturday and felt really bad about it in the morning (not really hungover--like a mental guilt) and I have gravitated towards healthier foods in the past 2 days. I feel way better now, and Saturday is long in the past. I want to work out because I feel better doing it and I honestly am more productive the entire day when I do workout. But I'm not going to do it to burn calories. I've missed almost a week of workouts. That's OK! I was doing violin related stuff and when I got home I was catching up on work that needed to get done. I plan to go to the gym tomorrow. I think intuitive eating is a great idea, and I think that we generally need more calories than we think. I remember my nutritionist during my ED telling me that when I was recovered, I'd probably still eat 2200-ish calories on a regular basis. I thought she was INSANE! Like out-of-her-mind, you're-trying-to-make-me-fat insane. But she's right. On days where I do workout and/or just have a really busy day, I'm definitely over 2000 cals and the beautiful thing is that I DON'T COUNT! I choose a lot of low calorie foods that I enjoy and that I know provide nutrients, and I also (FINALLY!) choose yummy, nutritious and sometimes not-so-nutritious foods that I enjoy. On less active days I'll naturally eat less, without counting and without restricting. On some less active days, I'll still eat a lot, maybe more than I need on any particular given day, and I know that my body will either 1) metabolize the calories anyway to take care of me or 2) store them for the night or the next day and I'll be less hungry later on. And IT'S GOING TO BE OK! Just to clarify, I had an actual ED for about 8 months. I was in intensive outpatient treatment and I did recover, got my weight up, got a slightly better (BUT NOT GREAT) mindset, and when I was out of treatment, I still kept my calories between 1100-1300 with an hour of exercise most days, which is pretty typical for a lot of people, both women and men, of all cultures and ethnicities. People: THIS IS STARVATION! I know, because I did this for another 2 years! And not-at-all suprisingly, I was still food obsessed! I WANTED to have other hobbies. I tried desperately to find other things I enjoyed. But I kept coming back to: reading food magazines, checking nutrition facts on-line, browsing grocery stores knowing I wouldn't buy anything, cooking/baking, and browing either pro-ana or recovery websites (which I realize is kind of ironic, to visit both at the same time!) I see so many people on their food blogs agonizing over this "am I eating intuitively?" question. I think that if you're constantly having to restrain yourself from eating more, then you're still restricting and thus not eating intuitively. I think that you'll know when you're eating intuitively because you'll stop thinking about it so much. I think we need to put less emphasis on having a 100% clean diet, even though we vehemently insist that we're not on a "diet". It's ironic, because many of us even admit that we eat below maintainence on any given day. This means that you're not eating intuitively because 1) You're still counting if you know you're below maintainence, and 2) you will have a harder time eating intuitively because your body thinks it might be in danger of starvation (since it hasn't had enough for several days) and will try harder to get food.

It's 2009's National Eating Dsorder Awareness Week. I want to point out that ED-NOS (eating disorder-not otherwise specified) is STILL an eating disorder! And more critically, it is still a joy-robber! It will steal some of the happiness from your life. Trust me, I know. I've been there for the better part of 3 years. I don't have too many memories of that time, because my brain was starved for fuel. I never socialized, I missed out on a lot of events simply I I didn't want to go and be surrounded by food that I told myself I wasn't allowed to eat. I can honestly say that I am happier than I've ever been and in part this is due to my recovery. Peace, love and joy to you all! Email me if I can help you in any way. My prayer is that eating disorders will cease to exist; although that might be a long ways away, we can take steps toward it by speaking out and exposing the truth.

Back from recording our CD and an International Conference!

First of all, thanks SOOO much to Aimee at the Healthy Lawyer and Shannon at Daily Goods for my first two comments! It's so exciting for me to read them, and I hope that you'll keep reading and commenting. :)

I apologize for lack of update but I had a crazy and fun week! I was at the Millenium Music Conference in Harrisbug, PA for a small-ish music conference. There were hundreds of bands but it was just poorly organized and suprisingly unprofessional. Regardless, I had a great time playing, and we were able to silence and entire restaurant on Valentine's Day as they listened to us, which was an awesome feeling! More excitingly though, we went from there directly to Nashville where we finished recording our upcoming CD. I play with an acoustic folk trio, with an emphasis on songwriting. Our guitarist writes his own original music and the bass and violin/fiddle (myself) build our own parts around it! I'm so excited for this CD to be out in early April! :)

THEN, to add to the crazy week, on Friday morning we drove from Nashville to Memphis for the 2009 International Folk Alliance Conference. It is one of the 5 largest music conferences in the the country! To say it was "exciting" somehow seems like an understatement! It was 2 great days of tons of different bands, fantastic music (I got about 15 FREE CDs which I am starting to listen to while I'm posting this blog), workshops, panel sessions, FABULOUS networking (which I love doing!) and a bunch of free chocolate. :) Seriously, every room concert (we overtook most of a Marriott hotel and there were concerts in almost every room on the 17th, 18th and 19th floors) included a bunch of free chocolate to snack on. Therefore, I had a pretty amazingly UNHEALTHY week, which at first I felt bad about (even still ED thoughts creep in once in a while, but not often!! Yay!) but then I realized that I was away from home and there was seriously NO healthy food available at the hotel (that wasn't WAY out of my price range) so I just didn't worry about it. I do think I gained a pound or so (over a 9 day period of time while eating sooo much chocolate) but I'll just eat lots of veggies this week and workout and I'll be fine. I think the fact that I am able to realize that and accept that yes, it was a CRAPPY eating week, and know that I don't want to do that on a regular basis mostly because I felt like crap by the end of it. Yesterday at home I was trying to eat as much fiber as I could to help with...digestion. Sorry to be gross, but I got constipated after a week of pizza and chocolate and restaurant meals; no matter how good it tasted, I didn't feel great.

So with a brand new start, here's breakfast:

-Very generous 1/2 C oats/oat bran mix (I think I like this the best, rather than all oats or all oat bran)
-1/2 C pumpkin (fiber!! yay! Haha!)
-3/4 banana (I just didn't feel like finishing it)
-New Apple Acai granola from the WF bulk bins sprinkled on top
-Cinnamon for flavor



Then I added some 0% Voskos Greek Yogurt for some protein (since I didn't add my usual Protein Powder) and I also sprinkled that with granola.


Then I realized I had almost NO fat in my breakfast so I got a spoon of Sunflower Seed butter:

OK, I'm off to run some errands including dropping off a job application (details later, if I get it!) and a quick grocery shop for:

-laundry detergent
-contact solution!
-some sort of whole grain bread
-FF cottage cheese

That should be all, since I went to WF yesterday and bought some much YUMMY, HEALTHY and FRESH foods, mostly veggies. Here's what I remember I bought (sorry for no picture!):

-1 red onion
-1 organic purple cabbage
-1 lb bag of organic carrots
-1 bunch of organic kale
-1 grapefuit (on sale for $1!)
-bunch of organic bananas
-4 golden delicious apples ($.99/lb, which is actually very good in Pittsburgh!)
-3 nectarines (also on sale, I think for $1.99/lb)
-1 bag frozen organic broccoli
-1/2 gallon of FF milk (I like fat free the best)
-1 bag of Tofu Shirataki noodles
-two small bags of their new granolas (Apple Acai and Pomegranate something--I just wanted to try them, since they were also on sale.)
-1 bag of puffed Kamut cereal to add bulk to the granolas
-2 eight ounce containers of 0% Voskos greek yogurt (on sale, 2 for $3)
-1 bag of chocolate chips to throw in banana bread that I want to make this morning

That's all, I think! I might be forgetting something? Well, the total was around $37 which isn't too bad, considering that I had tried to eat down my fridge before my trip. So I had to restock, and I'm pleased with the deliciousness that is now in my house. :)

Alright, I'm out. Enjoy the monstrous post! :) I promise to keep updating this consistenly!

Change of pace

I DIDN'T have oatmeal for breakfast. I wanted to use up some eggs (there will still be some for my roommate to use if she'd like!) so I scrambled 3 eggs (only used one yolk) and topped it with salsa.


I also had two carrots and a 6 oz. plain yogurt from Whole Foods

with that cherry-lemon cobbler stirred in. It was a bit sour so I added a tiny bit of Splenda and a little granola also.



OK, I just need to finish packing, unload the dishwasher, get a massage, workout and then I'm leaving tonight. I will try and post one more time, but if I can't, then I'll see you all in over a week! Oh how sad! I'll miss the blogging world!

Lots of exercise!

I am trying to be more active overall for my health and energy levels and hoping that weight loss is a convenient side perk. :) I have about 15-20 lbs to lose, but I also want to get more fit, more toned, and stronger. I'd be OK with a smaller pant size even without much weight loss (my goal is at least 5-10) if it were because of muscle gain/fat loss. Basically, I was an active child and in my early teens. Then I started college and became much more sedentary at which point I also developed and was diagnosed with anorexia. It almost ruined my life an I lost way too much weight. After outpatient and therapy I maintained a still underweight body, and was still restricting, but in a much less obvious way. Eventually (especially when I got to grad school) I couldn't keep up the 1100-1200 calories a day (DUHHH!) and I started binging frequently. I quickly gained 40 lbs and stopped caring. In fact, I didn't mind being slightly overweight, except that my energy levels weren't great and I knew I didn't look my best. So recently, I decided to take charge of my health and my weight by adding a lot more exercise to my days. I try to work out for *at least* 30 minutes a day; most days it's over 60. I do a blend of heavy lifting and cardio. Plus I am trying new activities like yoga, and going back to gymnastics. I'm pretty sure some weight has already come off and I'm going to continue with what I'm doing (~1600-2000 calories/day) because it seems to be working. I am much happier now, because I really don't worry about food that much on the whole. Most nights I go out with friends and have one of two beers. I eat too much chocolate, and sometimes too much food overall. Yeah, they're extra calories, but that's LIFE. And I missed too much of that during my ED/DE years!

OK, with that said, I have really been enjoying working out A LOT, knowing that I'm also fueling myself properly. I did a 10 minute slow run on the treadmill to warm up, then about 20 minutes of leg weights, and then about 55 minutes of the Expresso bikes. I'm fairly certain I burned about 550 on the bike alone, not including the other things. And tonight, I went to an adult gymnastics class from 7:30-8:45. I was pretty high intensity the whole time, so that was probably another 300-400 there (I'm really not sure). Anyway, I'm pretty amazed with myself, knowing there is a realistic possibility that I burned 1100 calories through exercise. That is VERY APPROXIMATED THOUGH! :)

And my lovely food. I started with a carrot

and my usual bowl of oatmeal. Basically the same toppings:

1/2 C oats, water w/ a splash of milk
1 TBSP ground flax
1/2 scoop chocolate protein powder
2 TBSP (?) trail mix
1 vanilla honey energy chunk (60 cals)
1 TBSP (?) Peanut butter


plus coffee:


I kept taking little tiny bits of more PB on the spoon and might very well have had another 2 TBSPs, but hey--it's healthy fat, right? :) And some of it accompanied another carrot:

Later, I had the rest of a cherry pomegranate Clif nectar bar,

plus several handfuls of this trail mix:


and an apple with still more PB:

Some days are just PB days, ya know? OK, so A LOT of my days are PB days! :)

And then I went out to run a bunch of errands and along the way I ate at Chocolate Almond Fudge Clif bar (250):

After my first workout, I treated myself to the Whole Foods hot bar! It was only $8.70 give or take a few pennies!

I had:

-Chicken Tikka Masala
-Some sort of Indian tofu (curried)
-Buffalo tofu (this was awesome--had blue cheese and buffalo sauce; a little too oily, but still great!)
-Curried broccoli/cauliflower
-Vegan "beef" something
-Seitan chili (also vegan)


And after that, before gymnastics, I was craving chocolate so I had 2 Clif Z bars (chocolate chip is definitely my favorite flavor!)

and this:

Goodnight!

Busy day + Yoga

I went to my first yoga class--ever--tonight! I liked it and it was honestly harder than I thought it would be. But that was this evening, so let's backtrack to my afternoon. I went to the gym from 1:45-2:45 and did a great workout of: 10 minutes on treadmill to warm up, 15 minutes arms lifting, 23 minutes on the Expresso bike. I love those so much! I already can't wait for tomorrow's ride! :) I was dripping BUCKETS and it felt great!

I had a big glass of FRS to drink in the morning:


Also, wanted to show what I put in my coffee this morning. I know it's artificial and sugar free fake, but I'm sort of sensitive to sugar and I LOVE this flavor! :)


I grabbed the other Quorn cutlet that I had cooked yesterday and topped it with salsa. Sorry, forgot to take the picture until I was halfway through with it.

After the gym, I had to get ready really quickly to teach (just 2 half-hour lessons) so I showered mucho quickly and grabbed a chunk of tofu and ate it plain.

I also had a couple of handfuls of this:


Quite possibly the best granola I've ever had, and I got it at Big Lots for $3!! Yayay! :)

After teaching, I stopped into Whole Foods just for their chocolate (and Valentine's) tasting event! I didn't get pictures of anything because I was pretty rushed, but I tried some swordfish (plain and with cajun seasoning--INCREDIBLE!!), some marinated chicken, a choco. covered marshmallow heart, a bite of horseradish cheese, a couple different quiches (small bites each), a chocolate cake thing, and an Adora! Which totally made me think of Gliding Calm's valentine's present from Carrots 'n Cake! Yay, GC--I ADORE your blog!

Then I got home and basically headed out to yoga. I had a couple more small handfuls of the granola but wasn't too hungry. However, afterwards, I was really hungry. I went to get tea with a friend and I tried Pomegranate Raspberry Green tea, which was delicious.



When I got home I was ravenous so I made dinner. I steamed the last of my frozen organic broccoli

and threw a pack of Shirataki noodles on it. I do like how low in calories they are, but I honestly also love the taste and texture, and sometimes I just want to eat A LOT of food!

I then doused it in spaghetti sauce

and had a good start to dinner:

With a glass of water. Notice the Pittsburgh Penguins logo--I got it at a game and I'm a huge Penguins hockey fan! And they won tonight!! Yay! :)


I also sauteed the rest of a purple cabbage in olive oil, balsamic vinegar, tamari and garlic:



and had half a block of tofu:

I finished off a tub of FF cottage cheese (which seriously only had a couple TBs in it.)


I topped it with more granola and decided I had the right idea, so I had a FF yogurt that was suprisingly good!


I forgot to fill in yesterday's dinner. I had a huge bag of soy chips and an Atkins protein bar in the car after teaching. I also had a 100 calorie South Beach mixed berry bar. All of it was good, and mostly it was healthy. Probably didn't need the Atkins bar as I'm trying to cut back a little, and I think I was already full. But it was only 180 calories so it wasn't too bad. Sorry, no pictures.

Tonight I also went out with a friend and had a Budlight draught. My first 100 calories of tomorrow's workout are specifically for burning off that beer! :-o I'm going to go take a hot bath and finish Ecplipse. I didn't have any time to read this afternoon! And then I have to decide which other books to take on my trip! So good night. There might be a tiny glass of red wine and some chocolate in the tub! Hehehe!