Monday, July 25, 2011

A strange, wonderful phenomenon

So something I've noticed in my eating habits lately. I don't obsess over food as much as I used to. Let me clarify that statement, and explain why I think that's a good thing. You see, I've already talked about my anorexia and my disordered eating that followed for many years after that. Even after recovery, I was still self-destructing in that I was limiting amount of fat or calories or whatever. And recently, even though I've been securely recovered, I've still been working out a lot (including training for and completing a marathon) and so food has been of great importance to me. Now, I'm definitely not saying that it's no longer important, because it is, obviously and I still love many kinds of (real) food.


The nice thing is that recently I have noticed that food is...just food. And by that I mean that I've still enjoyed food (especially when eating with friends, which is in stark contrast to how it was with my ED) but it's no longer something that I obsess about. I mean, I still like to cook (mainly to have good food around) and obviously I still appreciate nutrient-dense food for what it does for my body and energy levels, but there are many other things in life that bring me more joy than eating does (and it never used to be that way.) This is not to say that I don't still get a little panicked when I'm really hungry (I do, and I think that's my body's response to the anorexia of a long time ago) or that I would try to eat less on purpose for any reason (because I absolutely would not do that.)

But my hunger signals have been more normal than ever. My hypoglycemia is better controlled than it has ever been. I have started eating more meat (from free range and organic farms) and I have noticed that this really makes me feel so much better. And between adding meat back to my diet, and the fairly high fat level that has been a mainstay in my diet for the past several years, I'm doing great! It is so refreshing to finish a meal and be DONE, rather than trying not to go pick at other food throughout the day. (I still eat way more than just three meals a day, but am more satisfied after each one.)

I think this is all to say that this seems like the end of the last ED-related symptom (for which I'm incredibly grateful!) and it's been eight years since I was first diagnosed. So if there is anyone reading this with an ED, I encourage you to hold on and keep fighting for true health! You don't have to be utterly obsessed with food for the rest of your life, as long as you are willing to honor your body and truly give it what it needs (including fat and protein and enough calories) and accept that your set point might be higher than you want it to be. The mental and emotional freedom that comes with not being obsessed with food 24/7 is so incredibly worth it!!