I hope you all have had a lovely start to a new month, or at least a better one than I've had. Basically, I'm having roommate problems (she's doing MANY things that irritate me!), and being the people-pleaser of all people-pleasers that I am, I am UNABLE to get myself to say anything to her. I can't even muster up the courage to squeak out, "hey, do you have a moment to talk now?" I know I should have mentioned some things a long time ago, but I kept trying to ignore them, thinking that I was doing the right thing by keeping the peace and not making her upset. Well, it has tuned into a fiasco where she's walking all over me, and yet I insist on keeping quiet. I WANT to talk to her, and in theory it sounds like a great idea. But we were both home all day yesterday and today and I am NOT able to get the courage to do so. Even just thinking about doing it, makes me start shaking, trembling and breathing heavy! I really don't know what to do, and I don't know why it is so hard for me, and so I've mostly just been staying in my room reading or on my computer (I am reading your blogs!) while she's home.
But even more importantly, and much more disastrously, is that my boyfriend is starting to have doubts about our large-scale compatibility issues, due to how INCREDIBLY uncomfortable I am with bringing up to HER (my roommate) stuff she's doing that bothers me. He's (understandably) concerned with how that would play out in the long-term for us if we were to get married or something. He's worried that I wouldn't be able to tell him if there's stuff he's doing that bothers me, and he might very well be justified in worrying about this. I generally do keep things to myself, usually just assuming that I'm too easily irritated and/or being selfish for mentioning such a trivial thing. (By the way, the things my roommate is doing don't seem trivial; for example, she never locks our front door when she leaves the house, she brought a dog home for 3+ weeks without so much as asking me if I minded, and she regularly uses/moves my stuff without asking me. All of these things to me seem downright rude and unacceptable, and I'd like for them to change.)
The point is, due partly to my extremely sensitive personality, partly to how I was raised (in an extremely controlling environment where open conversation was prohibited) and partly to countless other factors, the "simple" act of saying, "Hey, can we talk about a few things?" is for all practical intents and purposes IMPOSSIBLE for me. And I love doing the impossible--I'm very stubborn, but in this case, it is actually damn near impossible and I don't think I can do it.
Both of these things have made for an EXTREMELY emotionally DRAINING week so far. (In addition to having my car in the shop all last week causing me to miss a rehearsal and forget about an appointment!) I'm spent. Beat. Drained. Trying to remain positive. Trying to keep smiling about...something...anything...life? Health? Friends? It's honestly very hard.
(I also apologize for no food pictures tonight. I just wanted to be able to get some stuff off my chest and I would ADORE any positive feedback you have for me!)
But enough depressing stuff.
How about you? Are you a people-pleaser? Do you care what others think about you? Do you try to keep the peace? And is there anything that you were trying to do the right thing in, that you later learned was really just hurting you instead?
I'm going to leave you with a few more giveaways while I'm at it. Then I'm off to go read my new obsession, the recently published biography of the 1986 U.S. Gymnastics Champion, Jennifer Sey, "Chalked Up". It is fascinating and I'm almost finished, despite starting it on Saturday. :)
Don't forget to enter my Amazing Grass giveaway!
Zesty Cook is giving away a blog makeover!
Balance is Beauty is giving away a variety pack of Glo Bars!
Lucky Taste Buds is giving away Kathy's Krackers!
AnAppleADay is giving away organic hot chocolate!
One Frugal Foodie is giving away two months worth of yummy cereal!
Have a great night!!
I have the same issues sometimes with standing up for myself but I am getting better and better at it. You can do it, just muster up the courage. It doesn't require being rude. You can be respectful, but still be able to convey how you feel. Try it, It's so much better in the long run
ReplyDeleteGood luck
Honestly, that was one of the harder things I've ever had to learn... how to stand up for myself, even though I am definitely a people pleaser and hate conflict. But by being this way, people --including my loved ones-- automatically took advantage of me. It's almost like they couldn't HELP it, because I was basically inviting them to do it! It's a hard habit to break though, I admit... I'm still working on this myself. :)
ReplyDeleteYou can be kind and loving, without being a doormat. Your roommate may balk at first but only because she might have the idea now that you have no opinions or wishes/wants, but she will grow used to the idea and she (and everyone else!) will ultimately respect you more. It ultimately works out to both your and their benefit. Don't you prefer to be around people you like AND respect?
You are a wonderful person and you deserve to feel safe and respected in your own space, just as much as anyone else. I'm sure you are very easygoing when it comes to other things, so don't feel bad about being assertive on 2 or 3 things that are important (and they are issues that would be important to EVERYONE!).
Good luck! :)
I definitely understand not wanting to say anything for the risk of making the situation even more uncomfortable.... been there! But not even locking your front door??? I mean, that's just unsafe. I think you are definitely justified in saying something to her, and maybe finding the courage to talk things through with her would help with the boyfriend situation as well. You can do it!! :)
ReplyDeleteI can understand how you feel re your room mate. I mean you still have to live with her. I hate confrontation and usually avoid it up till the point where I explode and I think that makes things worse. I think if you sit your room mate down and say we need to have a chat and talk calmly that's so much better than letting it get to you so much it spoils everything else in your life.
ReplyDeleteI hope you can sort it out.
Taylor.
Oh dear. I'm so sorry you're going through all this crap. My roommate drives me nuts sometimes too, but not to the degree of yours. I say, you really need to get a chat in with her. If you can't do it face-to-face, what about just shooting her an email? Best of luck, and remember that being passive is not a good thing. Perhaps this is a way God is using to be more aggressive in some things?
ReplyDeleteOh, and I had NO IDEA who you were at first...Haha! I'm used to you as Lisa, not Internal Peace, and you did not leave an url so I thought you were just some random reader! x-p
Oh I thought the same thing as Sophia!! Whoopsss! :) Now I know!
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry you are going through all this, well, crap! I wish I could make it all better. I know it's hard, but you NEED to make some sort of connection with her. Nothing's going to change if you don't do anything. I am a total people pleaser and understand what you are feeling.
Sorry about the issues that are occurring with the boyfriend...I hope things work out for the best!
<3 jess
xoxo
It is so hard to confront people. But think of how much better you'll feel after. What's the worst thing that could happen? I hate talking to people about what bothers me, but in the end, I'd rather just have everything out in the open. Praying for you and peace!
ReplyDeleteoh no...sorry to hear you're having roomie troubles..it is so stressful to be in an unhappy living situation- i really feel for you! i used to have trouble saying anything to my roomies also but regarding your boyfriend's concerns...i have no trouble telling my bf everything i think he's doing wrong now that we live together :) i hope everything works out.
ReplyDelete