I hope you all have had a lovely start to a new month, or at least a better one than I've had. Basically, I'm having roommate problems (she's doing MANY things that irritate me!), and being the people-pleaser of all people-pleasers that I am, I am UNABLE to get myself to say anything to her. I can't even muster up the courage to squeak out, "hey, do you have a moment to talk now?" I know I should have mentioned some things a long time ago, but I kept trying to ignore them, thinking that I was doing the right thing by keeping the peace and not making her upset. Well, it has tuned into a fiasco where she's walking all over me, and yet I insist on keeping quiet. I WANT to talk to her, and in theory it sounds like a great idea. But we were both home all day yesterday and today and I am NOT able to get the courage to do so. Even just thinking about doing it, makes me start shaking, trembling and breathing heavy! I really don't know what to do, and I don't know why it is so hard for me, and so I've mostly just been staying in my room reading or on my computer (I am reading your blogs!) while she's home.
But even more importantly, and much more disastrously, is that my boyfriend is starting to have doubts about our large-scale compatibility issues, due to how INCREDIBLY uncomfortable I am with bringing up to HER (my roommate) stuff she's doing that bothers me. He's (understandably) concerned with how that would play out in the long-term for us if we were to get married or something. He's worried that I wouldn't be able to tell him if there's stuff he's doing that bothers me, and he might very well be justified in worrying about this. I generally do keep things to myself, usually just assuming that I'm too easily irritated and/or being selfish for mentioning such a trivial thing. (By the way, the things my roommate is doing don't seem trivial; for example, she never locks our front door when she leaves the house, she brought a dog home for 3+ weeks without so much as asking me if I minded, and she regularly uses/moves my stuff without asking me. All of these things to me seem downright rude and unacceptable, and I'd like for them to change.)
The point is, due partly to my extremely sensitive personality, partly to how I was raised (in an extremely controlling environment where open conversation was prohibited) and partly to countless other factors, the "simple" act of saying, "Hey, can we talk about a few things?" is for all practical intents and purposes IMPOSSIBLE for me. And I love doing the impossible--I'm very stubborn, but in this case, it is actually damn near impossible and I don't think I can do it.
Both of these things have made for an EXTREMELY emotionally DRAINING week so far. (In addition to having my car in the shop all last week causing me to miss a rehearsal and forget about an appointment!) I'm spent. Beat. Drained. Trying to remain positive. Trying to keep smiling about...something...anything...life? Health? Friends? It's honestly very hard.
(I also apologize for no food pictures tonight. I just wanted to be able to get some stuff off my chest and I would ADORE any positive feedback you have for me!)
But enough depressing stuff.
How about you? Are you a people-pleaser? Do you care what others think about you? Do you try to keep the peace? And is there anything that you were trying to do the right thing in, that you later learned was really just hurting you instead?
I'm going to leave you with a few more giveaways while I'm at it. Then I'm off to go read my new obsession, the recently published biography of the 1986 U.S. Gymnastics Champion, Jennifer Sey, "Chalked Up". It is fascinating and I'm almost finished, despite starting it on Saturday. :)
Don't forget to enter my Amazing Grass giveaway!
Zesty Cook is giving away a blog makeover!
Balance is Beauty is giving away a variety pack of Glo Bars!
Lucky Taste Buds is giving away Kathy's Krackers!
AnAppleADay is giving away organic hot chocolate!
One Frugal Foodie is giving away two months worth of yummy cereal!
Have a great night!!